Hope Your New Neighbors Aren't Serial Killers Funny Candle

• THE ULTIMATE NEW HOME ICEBREAKER: Forget the boring fruit basket. This candle is the perfect way to acknowledge the real fears of moving—like whether or not the neighbors are "creepy." A guaranteed laugh for housewarming parties or for a friend moving into their first apartment.

• 100 HOURS OF HOUSE-HUNTING RELIEF: Moving is exhausting, but relaxing shouldn't be. Our massive 16.5oz mason jar candles offer an 80–100 hour burn time, giving you plenty of time to unpack, unwind, and keep an eye on the driveway.

• FARM-POURED SECURITY: Hand-poured on our family farm in Lebanon, Missouri, using 100% natural soy wax. It offers a clean, non-toxic burn that clears the air of "old house" smells and replaces them with premium, farm-fresh fragrance.

• SCENTS FOR A PEACEFUL SANCTUARY: From the "Nothing to See Here" cleanliness of Fresh Linen to the sophisticated, grounding notes of Sandalwood & Suede, our high-fragrance oils make every room feel safe and inviting.

• USA MADE & REUSABLE MASON JAR: Our heavy-duty glass jars are built to last. Once you’ve burned through 100 hours of peak dark humor, clean out the jar and reuse it for storage, loose change, or a drink to calm your nerves.

 The "Safe House" Scent Menu

• Fresh Linen (The "Nothing To Hide" Scent): A crisp, clean blend of powder and musk. It smells like fresh laundry and a house that is 100% free of any suspicious activity.

• Sandalwood & Suede (The Sophisticated Bunker): A rich, earthy mix of dark chocolate, cedar, and velvet musk. It creates a high-end, grounding vibe that makes your new home feel like a fortress of luxury.

• Sun Washed Citrus (The Bright Side): Zesty lemon and agave create a crisp, energizing atmosphere. It’s a great way to keep things bright and cheerful, even if the neighbor's curtains are always closed.

• Black Raspberry Vanilla (The Sweetest Security): Our #1 bestseller. A luscious blend of ripe berries and creamy vanilla. A sweet reward for finally finishing the unpacking process.

• Apples & Bourbon (The Cozy Welcome): Warm orchard apples and smooth bourbon. A strong, inviting fragrance that makes your new place feel like a home—not just a crime scene waiting to happen.

• Butt Naked (The Carefree Vacation): A fun, fruity explosion of melon, pear, and strawberry. Because you deserve a mental vacation from the stress of moving and meeting new people.

• Fresh Cut Roses (I'm Still Alive): A true, deep rose fragrance. Nothing says "everything is fine" like 100 hours of premium, floral luxury filling your new living room.